Thursday, September 1, 2011

How to not be a douche.

1. Do not be anyone from Jersey Shore.
2. Do not talk about yourself in the third person. (except every knows that kaptainkrunk is a badass.)
3.Do not point at your own muscles. FOR ANY REASON!
4.Use a god damn shit fucking dick sucking mother fucking turn signal when you FUCKING turn.
5. Do not ride someones ass crack on the road when you want to go 20 miles over the speed limit.
6. "Yo brah" isnt the proper way to greet anyone. EVER!
7. Never ever, play guitar at a party. Unless your band is playing on stage.
8. Do not talk about how you are going to "ground and pound" some hoe. When we all know you have a 30% success rate, which dwindles when you cant force copious amount of alcohol down her throat.
***Sub clause: Your failure does not make said girl a "Grenade" in fact to the contrary... it makes you a douche bag.
9. Do not listen to John Mayer, Train, Jason Mraz, to make yourself seem chill and more cool. (fag)
10. And last but not least DO NOT wear khaki shorts and a polo and claim to be an athlete... because frisky gold is not a real fucking sport

Bonus: You will automatically be subjected to the word, name, label, identification of douchebag if you eaither do one of the following:
1. Plank
2. Owling

You fucking retard, I hate you beyond all reason.

Love,
KaptainKrunks

Produced by omaccloudnugga




















5 comments:

  1. I agree with you on all counts except....my right blinker is kind of fucked up lately, so I might not be able to follow that explicit rule. ha

    ReplyDelete
  2. regarding #6 i live in california so everyone here is a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great list, always appreciate when someone calls it out.

    ReplyDelete